As The Mighty Mighty Nads were dominating their way through another summer of adventure races throughout the U S of A, they determined it was worth taking a quick stop for a little race at the end of September – Oyster_The Race | San Francisco. While the Oyster has been a Nads staple for many years, this was the first time that Nads have competed in the city by the bay – an environ usually dominated by the Nads rival and local juggernaut: the ever-crafty Taintastic! This race also marked the return of one of the original Nads: Hubbs, who had lost the last 3 years of Nads racing to Africa, more Africa, and then a bum knee. Now living in San Francisco, he was hoping to seamlessly join the well-oiled machine of Drodgey and Tyler for another Oyster victory.
The race started all well and good out of the Sports Basement parking lot near the Presidio. Mustaches of all three Nads members were trimmed to perfection and looking intimidatingly aerodynamic. During the first bike ride out to Pier 42, we heard rumors of a super-team that had flown, or perhaps invaded like a Midwestern Ghengus Khan, from Denver. When we mentioned that this team couldn’t possibly do well as they didn’t know the city, the all-knowing rival countered that one of the super team actually lived in the city. Never mess with teams from the Silicon Valley – Steve Jobs has trained them to have some crazy good intel!
Despite Tyler’s flat tire coming back from some flawless fish throwing at Whole Foods, our heros were well-positioned in the lead pack after the first 3 clues. The next run through the Presidio was expertly navigated by Drodgey and our support captain on the ground, Kevin ‘Hot Tub’ Barden. The Nads had moved up in the lead pack, and, after a bike across the Golden Gate Bridge, had cruised into the overall first place position. It felt comfortable.
But here was where the race was lost – due to somewhat embarassing circumstances. The race was lost because the Nads fumbled away a precious 5 minutes finding the beer challenge, which was somewhat hidden in the corner of the Sports Basement parking lot. REALLY, Nads?!?! C’mon!! (The writer’s head is shaking even while writing this blog.) Any Nad worth their salt should be able to sniff out a game of beer pong 10 miles away. Our team is led by members of the Outdoorsman Challenge, an elite beer drinking and running crew well documented on YouTube. This should have been a cake walk, and where the Nads’ star should have shined the brightest.
This allowed the second place team, a local coed bunch who had been second fiddle to Taintastic! for the last three years, to surge ahead of our champions. One must give them credit, they showed great heart on the final San Francisco-steep bike up to Alta Plaza Park, where a boot camp crew and miller lite awaited (two great tastes that do NOT go great together). During the sprint down the hill, almost every traffic law was broken, several accidents may have been caused, and all three of our hero’s lives were put in danger, but when the traffic light at Van Ness was missed, the race was over. The Nads had to settle for second place.
The Nads did, however, succeed in taking the Men’s division crown from Taintastic! That felt good. Plans were soon made to attempt to take over the Oyster on the other side of the Mississippi as well.
After the race, and after this Oscar-deserving performance on Oyster television - wait for the 2 minute mark, Hubbs was offered the National Spokesman position for Shocktop beer. Despite advice from the Nads’ agent, Hubbs demanded first right of refusal to wear the Shocktop mascot costume at all Shocktop events. Shocktop stopped returning Hubbs’s phone calls and sent him a 6-pack of Shocktop Pumpkin Wheat as an apparent consolation.
And that leads us to the end of this edition of NADS BLOG. The Nads family will see you again next time – same Nads time, same Nads channel.
Until then, kids - Keep Dominating.